SERMON|GEEK

Leading a Small Group Discussion 3: Actively Listen to All People

I remember a story we used to read when I was a child that highlighted the difference between listening and hearing. A child regularly heard her parent’s instructions but didn’t really listen. As a result, she continually disobeyed and ended up being confronted about her poor listening habits.

In a group setting, it is easy to hear what everyone is saying but to not really listen. Nothing can kill a discussion faster than not really listening to what others are saying, and nothing will promote discussion more than people’s realization that they are really being listened to.

You have probably many times found yourself in a conversation in which you were nodding your head and maintaining eye contact the whole time your counterpart spoke, but really all you heard was,”blah, blah, blah.” The problem is: when it is your turn to speak, you’ll likely fumble and bumble trying to make sense because you really have no idea how to respond.

Sometimes we fail to listen because we are distracted.

Sometimes we fail to listen because we are confused.

Sometimes we fail to listen because we are thinking of what we want to say next.

Sometimes we are thinking about how to respond to a previous statement.

Sometimes we don’t listen simply because we don’t care.

Likely, there are other reasons as well why we don’t listen.

Active listening requires us to not just hear and process the words and thoughts being communicated by others, but also to follow up with questions and statements designed to bring clarity. If I am successfully leading a discussion, I must ensure that not only is everyone heard, but that they are understood. I can accomplish this by being an “active listener.”

Here are some simple ways to be an active listener:

Follow up with a question.
Follow up by restating their point in your own words.
Follow up by summarizing their point.
Ask the person to clarify part of their statement which might have been confusing.
Restate a specific phrase or sentence, and add your opinion.

As with many other skills, active listening is a skill that needs to be developed over time. The best way to become better is to intentionally remind yourself before every group meeting that you are going to make an effort to be a more active listener. After each meeting, evaluate yourself.

10 Bible Verses You Can Send As A Text Message

One of the most important roles a pastor plays is that of CHIEF ENCOURAGER. One of the easiest ways you can encourage the people in your church is to occasionally send a brief text message to let them know you are thinking of them. When you send those text messages, why not include Scripture?

Here are 10 Bible verses you can send as encouraging text messages to the people in your congregation.

Exodus 15:2 – The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.
Psalm 34:4 – I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
Psalm 46:1 – God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 118:24 – This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
John 14:27 – Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 16:33 – In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
Ephesians 6:10 – be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.
Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Colossians 1:11 – May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy
2 Timothy 1:7 – For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

LEADING A SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION 2: Create a Climate of Acceptance

Read all 10 Commandments here.

No good discussion can happen unless the right climate or environment has first been cultivated.Just as a farmer’s job begins long before he puts seeds into the ground, a group leader’s job begins long before the first discussion question is asked.

No farmer walks out of his house one morning and just decides to throw some seeds on the ground. He knows if he hasn’t spent sufficient time preparing the ground, the seeds will have little or no chance to grow. Before he ever plants the seeds, the farmer spends time clearing the land, installing irrigation, removing weeds and plants, and cultivating the soil. When preparation is done properly, the seed will have the best possible chance to grow.

Giving your group’s discussion the best possible chance to be effective requires the leader to spend time creating an accepting environment. People’s ability to open themselves or close themselves is often dependent on whether or not they feel accepted. Someone who feels unwanted will typically withdraw, clam up, and eventually disappear. An effective group discussion will only happen when each group member feels valued, desired, and welcomed.

As the leader, you need to be able not only to cultivate this accepting environment, but also to evaluate the existing environment to notice whether or not people feel welcome. Observing group member’s level of involvement and body language is an easy way to identify whether or not people feel accepted. Some simple questions to ask yourself are:

How often are people contributing to the discussion? If someone never contributes, they may not feel accepted. If they are fully engaged, they likely feel very accepted.
Has anyone demonstrated a drastic change in group involvement? When someone who has never engaged suddenly begins engaging, you have probably succeeded in creating a accepting environment. The reverse is also true. If someone has consistently participated in group discussions and suddenly is withdrawn, you probably should inquire as to why.
Are people leaning in or backing out? When someone sits back with their arms folded protectively over their chest, they may be demonstrating that they don’t feel welcome. When people lean toward each other, they are exhibiting the type of vulnerability which is a result of feeling valued, welcomed, and accepted.

Every time you contact a group member you contribute to a climate of acceptance. Each personal interaction is a chance to reinforce their value to the group. Here are some simple ways to help people feel accepted:

Regularly remind them of specific ways they make the group better.
Seek opportunities to interact with them apart from group time.
Remember birthdays and milestone days.
Celebrate their accomplishments.
Follow up on their prayer requests.
Send random encouraging notes or emails.
Contact them when they’ve missed a group gathering.
Invite them to participate in informal “life-sharing” activities.

LEADING A SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION 1: Prepare Good Questions Ahead of Time

Read all 10 Commandments here.

Have you ever been part of a discussion that went absolutely nowhere? One of the most important tasks a small group leader needs to execute is GOOD PREPARATION. If your group is going to engage in a good discussion, that will ONLY HAPPEN if you are willing to take the time beforehand to prepare good questions.

If you really want to have a good discussion you must do the following three activities:

1) Plan. Set aside ample time for preparation. This time will include prayer, study, contemplation, and writing so 15 minutes before your group meeting is probably not enough. You need to set a time, block it off on your calendar, and honor that commitment to yourself.

2) Pray. There really isn’t any reason to do anything if you aren’t relying on God to make it successful; so if you really want to give your discussion the best shot, pray.

3) Prepare. You’ve set aside time and you’ve prayed it up, so now you are ready to prepare. I would recommend the following order of events for your prep time (although everyone will do it a little differently).

Study. Whether you’re studying a biblical passage, reading a book, following a guide, or watching a video; take the time to make yourself familiar with the material. You should know it better than anyone else.
Contemplate. Think about where the people in your group are at in their lives. What are they struggling with? What are they celebrating? How is their family? their job? Is anyone in crisis? Consider how the material you are looking at is relevant to their lives.
Write. Don’t just develop a bunch of questions that serve only to increase your member’s knowledge about the material. Craft a discussion experience that will lead your group on a journey that impacts their hearts, minds, souls, and strength.

Some of the other “Discussion Suggestions” will help you as you create these questions, but as a starter, here are some simple suggestions for putting questions together:

Ask open-ended questions. Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no” will kill the conversation quickly.
“How” and “why” questions typically promote good discussion.
“When have you…” and “How do you feel about…” are usually solid ways to start a question.
More questions are better than fewer, as you can always delete them based on the course of the conversation.

10 Commandments for Leading Discussions

Small groups are a critical part of discipleship ministry. They give believers the opportunity to develop healthy relationships and grow in community. The best small groups utilize discussions to enable growth in each person. Below are 10 steps which will help you lead effective discussions. In the coming days, I’ll write more about each of the steps:

1. Prepare “good” questions prior to the meeting

2. Create a climate of acceptance

3. Actively listen to each person

4. Affirm all legitimate expressions of opinion from your group members

5. “Peel the Onion” with questions

6. Be careful about taking sides in a “debate”

7. Allow for humor and rabbit trails

8. Don’t be afraid of silence.

9. Deal with discussion killers.

10. Be a facilitator, not an expert.

Should I Be Using AI To Write My Sermons?

I used AI to write this blog post. I’ll follow it up later with a legit post that describes the process I used to write an actual sermon that I’ll be using for a Men’s Breakfast at our church.

As the use of artificial intelligence (AI) continues to expand and evolve, it is becoming increasingly common for AI algorithms and models to be used for a variety of purposes, including the creation of written content such as speeches, essays, and articles. In recent years, there has even been a growing interest in using AI to write sermons for religious services.

The idea of using AI to write sermons may seem surprising or even controversial to some, but it is worth considering the potential benefits and drawbacks of this approach. On the one hand, using AI to write a sermon can save time and effort for the person who would normally be responsible for crafting the sermon, and it can also provide a unique and potentially engaging perspective on the topic at hand.

For example, an AI algorithm trained on a large corpus of religious texts and sermons could be used to generate a sermon that incorporates relevant Bible passages, theological concepts, and stories in a cohesive and engaging manner. The AI could also be trained to incorporate the style and tone of the person who will be delivering the sermon, making the final product more personal and authentic.

However, there are also potential drawbacks to using AI to write a sermon. One concern is that the use of AI could result in a lack of personal connection and authenticity in the final product. While an AI algorithm may be able to incorporate relevant content and style, it may not be able to capture the unique perspective and experiences of the person delivering the sermon, which can be an important part of the sermon-writing process.

Additionally, some may argue that using AI to write a sermon goes against the spirit of religious services, which are meant to be a time of personal reflection, connection, and growth. In this view, using AI to write a sermon could be seen as a shortcut or a way to avoid the hard work and effort that goes into crafting a meaningful and engaging sermon.

Overall, the use of AI to write sermons is a complex and contentious issue that raises important questions about the role of technology in religious services. While there may be some potential benefits to using AI in this context, it is important to carefully consider the potential drawbacks and to ensure that the use of AI does not detract from the personal and authentic nature of religious services.

Manipulation Is Not Leadership

Proverbs says a lot about flattery. One of my favorite proverbs reminds us that the wounds of a friend are preferable to the kisses of an enemy. Often people who don’t really have your best interest in mind will use flattery to manipulate you. I get frustrated with myself when I slip into manipulation by flattery mode.

But flattery isn’t the only way we manipulate people. Some people are master manipulators. They spend their time evaluating a person, figuring out that person’s “buttons”, and then press all the right ones to get what they desire from that person. Some people are “passive-aggressive” manipulators; they’ll bully a person by withdrawing and being silent.

Is there anything wrong with manipulation?

Many leadership “gurus” talk about the concept of “influence”, as being one of, if not the core competencies of leaders.

One author says “leadership is influence – nothing more, nothing less”.

I read another book recently that said, “to lead others, an individual or group must be able to sway people to follow a proposed direction.”

The same book tells the story of a pastor who believes God has given him the vision to buy a vacant lot next to his church in order to create a parking lot (check the end of this post to see why this in itself is problematic). In order to accomplish this “vision”, he takes each of his church’s deacons out to eat individually. He has them meet him at the church so he can drive, and with each deacon, as they arrive back at the church he subtly points to the vacant lot and says, “Do you think God would ever allow us to buy that property?”

Over time, the deacons begin to talk about the property, and eventually decide to buy it, believing they have come to a Spirit-led decision because they all had it on their mind.

So I wonder… is this leadership? or is this manipulation?

Manipulation is a tool for those who fear the agency of others.

Here’s why I think manipulation is wrong. Manipulation is me making an effort to do something in someone else that I believe the Spirit has done in me, but won’t do in them.

When I choose to manipulate someone, I’m choosing to use deceit and subversion rather than straightforward honesty and authenticity. Which approach do you think the Holy Spirit is more likely to work through?

Manipulation in the church often stems from the idea that God gives a vision to one person, not a group.

I’ve heard many of the young, hip, evangelical church leaders make this argument.

I’ve read it in the aforementioned books. It goes like this:

“God reveals his vision to one person. It has been my observation from the Bible and in personal ministry that teams do not develop vision.”

“In the Bible, God never gave the vision to a committee.”

The result of this kind of thinking is leaders who believe that once God has given them a vision it is up to them to convince everyone else (by hook or crook) of the rightness of their vision. The implication of this theory is that the Holy Spirit cannot work through anyone other than “the leader”. So much for the priesthood of the believer.

Note this comment from one of the above sources:

“If you’re not the senior pastor, you have to trust that he’s hearing from God.”

The biggest problem with this idea is that it is just flat wrong. The greatest vision God ever gave to men was given to a group, not an individual. That vision statement looked a little like this:

“It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

This brings me back to my starting point… Manipulation.

There is a very fine line between true leadership through influence and deceitful leadership through subversive manipulation.

I speak of the church because that is my life; but these principles are true everywhere: marriage, friendship, occupation, parenting, etc.

Anytime we use manipulation to influence people, we’ve asserted that the Holy Spirit cannot work through simple honesty and straightforwardness… and that is not a great place to be.

Great leaders understand that they cannot control or change the people around them. They reject the temptation to manipulate them into compliance and choose instead to lead through love, truth, clarity, and empowerment.

3 Things Every Pastor Should Say To Their Church Following The FBI Raid Of Donald Trump

Nobody shouted “Stop the Presses!”, but they could have. The news cycle came to a screeching halt this week and every major network was quickly consumed with the story that federal agents had procured and were serving a search warrant on Mar-a-Lago, the primary residence of former president Donald Trump.

Within hours, the competing narratives we have come to expect were being rolled out on competing networks. The most platformed Christian influencers were quickly serving up their own opinions. I saw one tweet encouraging pastors that they “must” speak to their churches about what happened this week.

I wouldn’t presume to tell any pastor what to say to their congregation, but I suppose such momentous news in such divisive times requires us to take a stand. So, here are three things I think every pastor should say this Sunday.

1. Jesus is the only hope for our world.

You may hope that the FBI raid is the final piece of evidence collection and that the justice department will finally have the necessary case to bring charges against Mr. Trump. That hope may be realized. But even if it is, it will not matter one iota in eternity and it will not turn one soul back to Jesus.

You may hope that the powers-that-be have finally overreached and this will turn into a colossal scandal that all but guarantees a second term for Mr. Trump. That hope may be realized. But even if it is, it will not matter one iota in eternity and it will not turn one soul back to Jesus.

Regardless of whether Donald Trump is found to be a criminal or a persecuted ex-official, what people really need to hear is that Jesus is the only solution for the sins and He is the only guarantee of abundant and eternal life.

Any time you might spend talking about the FBI, is probably better spent talking about Jesus.

2. Love is the calling of Jesus’ followers.

You may have spent this week calling for justice against a corrupt administration that has done irreparable harm to our country. You may be calling friends encouraging them to get out and vote to ensure this great wrong cannot be done again. You may have assumed the last two sentences are about Donald Trump or you may have assumed they were about Joe Biden.

Your real calling is to love the people around you. Jesus never spoke ill of Caesar. He didn’t concern himself with the occupying empire (other than encouraging his followers to go an extra mile when compelled by the occupiers). He spent a great deal of time teaching how to love and commanding that love be extended to neighbors, strangers, and even enemies.

The people in the pews don’t need any more voices telling them who to hate and who to extend their anger (er… righteous indignation) toward. They need to be encouraged and reminded to love, and especially to love their enemies.

3. The Gospel is the message we carry.

The constitution is a great document. It has served our country well for over two centuries. It may or may not have been violated this week. The FBI may have overstepped its constitutional boundaries, and Donald Trump may have overstepped his. Either way, this is not the concern of the church.

We preach Christ, and Him crucified.

Pastor, you would do well this Sunday to not concern yourself with mobilizing political action. You would do well this Sunday to not concern yourself with inspiring social change. You would do well this Sunday to not concern yourself with pointing people to a new cause they should take up.

Pastor, you would do very well this Sunday to mobilize people to share and spread the Gospel. You would do very well this Sunday to inspire life change in Christ. You would do very well this Sunday to concern yourself with pointing people to Jesus and the new life they should take up.

*This post is not timeless. It will be dated very soon. Please apply the content to all current events.

4 Leadership Lessons To Learn From David’s Failure

2 Samuel 6 tells the story of David’s efforts to move the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem. His first effort failed miserably. He didn’t take the time to consult God or God’s regulations for transporting the Ark. Instead of having the Ark carried by priests, he placed it on a cart pulled by oxen. In transport, one of the animals stumbled and Ark began sliding off the cart. The man who reached out his hand to steady it was immediately struck dead (no man was allowed to touch the ark).

After a time of repentance and mourning, David tried again and did it the right way. The day began with sacrifices and ended with celebration.

pablo (4).png

Wise people learn from the mistakes of others. What can we learn from David’s mistakes? As I read this story, Here are

4 LEADERSHIP LESSONS DAVID LEARNED TOO LATE.

1) Listen to God. Check His Word for wisdom.

2) Pay attention to details. Obey in small things.

3) Think of the people you lead before you think of yourself.

4) Take responsibility and learn from failure.

Whether you are leading a major organization, a small team, a family, or just yourself; these principles will help you become a better leader.

Pastors Must Be Peacemakers

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict between two other people? These situations are always awkward, especially when everyone is friends, and deep relationships are at stake.

2 Samuel tells an interesting story from the life of David that provides us with three great principles to remember when you find yourself trying to help resolve conflict.

David and his followers are on the run from Jerusalem. His son, Absalom, has led a rebellion and seized control of the capital city. As they leave, they are approached by a man named Ziba who brings them many gifts of food, drinks, and animals. David knew that Ziba was the servant of Mephibosheth (a crippled descendant of Saul to whom David had shown great kindness). David asked Ziba where Mephibosheth was, and Ziba answered that his master had stayed in Jerusalem to welcome Absalom.

After the rebellion was squelched, David returned to Jerusalem and began to deal with all those who had been loyal to Absalom. Mephibosheth came to greet him, claiming that he had wanted to go with David, but Ziba had not assisted him (he couldn’t leave on his own because he was lame). Mephibosheth claimed that Ziba had seized the opportunity to overthrow his master and ingratiate himself with David.

Faced with two completely opposite stories, David makes a wise decision (the outcome of which ultimately demonstrates Mephibosheth’s loyalty).

Read the whole story in 2 Samuel 16 and 2 Samuel 19.

pablo (3).png

Out of this story come THREE IMPORTANT PRINCIPLES to remember when you find yourself trying to negotiate conflict:

1. The first story you hear is almost never completely right.

I find this to be true so often. Someone will come to me with a story about another person, and when I talk to the other person, I hear a completely different tale. Usually, you need to talk to both parties several times, and ultimately bring them both together in order to get close to the truth. (I’m not saying the truth always lies in the middle, but it is often somewhere in-between)

The one who states his case first seems right,
until the other comes and examines him.

2. Don’t be beholden to the one who comes “bearing gifts.”

Often those who NEED to convince you they are right will “sweeten the deal” by bearing gifts. These gifts may not be tangible but may come in the form of flattery. Not too long ago, I was in a meeting with a person who has typically not been my biggest fan. However, in this context he realized that he could benefit from my support; and surprisingly, he began to extol my many virtues in ways I’ve never heard before. While it feels good to receive gifts (and we need to avoid being overly cynical), we should also be careful of having our judgment swayed because of gifts we’ve been given. Proverbs says:

A man who flatters his neighbor
spreads a net for his feet.

3. Beware of the one who quickly slanders others.

Ziba sought to gain David’s favor by tearing down Mephibosheth. In any conflict, it is very easy to be distracted by “ad hominem” attacks rather than dealing with the actual issues. It is easier to simply say bad things about another person and call their character into question, rather than try to determine the truth behind specific events that have happened.

A few years ago, in a different church, a group of people became very irate with some of my co-workers. I spent hundreds of hours sitting down with many of them attempting to resolve the conflict. In the end, though, it was fruitless because we could never consistently identify exactly what was causing the problem. Sadly, all I ever heard was attacks against the character of other people.

Someone who tries to win an argument by slandering, likely doesn’t truly have a case to make. Proverbs says:

He who conceals hatred has lying lips,
And he who spreads slander is a fool.

Hopefully, you’ll not often be in a situation like this. Hopefully, you’ll spend much of your life in the midst of healthy relationships and people who love one another. However, if you do find yourself caught between two friends…

Remember David, Ziba, and Mephibosheth.