Tag: confrontation

Pastors Must Be Peacemakers

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict between two other people? These situations are always awkward, especially when everyone is friends, and deep relationships are at stake.

2 Samuel tells an interesting story from the life of David that provides us with three great principles to remember when you find yourself trying to help resolve conflict.

David and his followers are on the run from Jerusalem. His son, Absalom, has led a rebellion and seized control of the capital city. As they leave, they are approached by a man named Ziba who brings them many gifts of food, drinks, and animals. David knew that Ziba was the servant of Mephibosheth (a crippled descendant of Saul to whom David had shown great kindness). David asked Ziba where Mephibosheth was, and Ziba answered that his master had stayed in Jerusalem to welcome Absalom.

After the rebellion was squelched, David returned to Jerusalem and began to deal with all those who had been loyal to Absalom. Mephibosheth came to greet him, claiming that he had wanted to go with David, but Ziba had not assisted him (he couldn’t leave on his own because he was lame). Mephibosheth claimed that Ziba had seized the opportunity to overthrow his master and ingratiate himself with David.

Faced with two completely opposite stories, David makes a wise decision (the outcome of which ultimately demonstrates Mephibosheth’s loyalty).

Read the whole story in 2 Samuel 16 and 2 Samuel 19.

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Out of this story come THREE IMPORTANT PRINCIPLES to remember when you find yourself trying to negotiate conflict:

1. The first story you hear is almost never completely right.

I find this to be true so often. Someone will come to me with a story about another person, and when I talk to the other person, I hear a completely different tale. Usually, you need to talk to both parties several times, and ultimately bring them both together in order to get close to the truth. (I’m not saying the truth always lies in the middle, but it is often somewhere in-between)

The one who states his case first seems right,
until the other comes and examines him.

2. Don’t be beholden to the one who comes “bearing gifts.”

Often those who NEED to convince you they are right will “sweeten the deal” by bearing gifts. These gifts may not be tangible but may come in the form of flattery. Not too long ago, I was in a meeting with a person who has typically not been my biggest fan. However, in this context he realized that he could benefit from my support; and surprisingly, he began to extol my many virtues in ways I’ve never heard before. While it feels good to receive gifts (and we need to avoid being overly cynical), we should also be careful of having our judgment swayed because of gifts we’ve been given. Proverbs says:

A man who flatters his neighbor
spreads a net for his feet.

3. Beware of the one who quickly slanders others.

Ziba sought to gain David’s favor by tearing down Mephibosheth. In any conflict, it is very easy to be distracted by “ad hominem” attacks rather than dealing with the actual issues. It is easier to simply say bad things about another person and call their character into question, rather than try to determine the truth behind specific events that have happened.

A few years ago, in a different church, a group of people became very irate with some of my co-workers. I spent hundreds of hours sitting down with many of them attempting to resolve the conflict. In the end, though, it was fruitless because we could never consistently identify exactly what was causing the problem. Sadly, all I ever heard was attacks against the character of other people.

Someone who tries to win an argument by slandering, likely doesn’t truly have a case to make. Proverbs says:

He who conceals hatred has lying lips,
And he who spreads slander is a fool.

Hopefully, you’ll not often be in a situation like this. Hopefully, you’ll spend much of your life in the midst of healthy relationships and people who love one another. However, if you do find yourself caught between two friends…

Remember David, Ziba, and Mephibosheth.

3 People Who Need To Hear Your Sermon

In a few weeks, I’ll be preaching from John 10 (the “good shepherd” passage). As part of my four-week sermon preparation process, I am spending part of this week reading and listening to what others have said about this passage. Yesterday, in one of the commentaries I was reading, the author briefly mentioned the three audiences to whom Jesus spoke during his ministry.

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To the crowd, Jesus spoke with compassion. They were sheep without a shepherd. They desperately needed direction and instruction. In His teaching, Jesus also demonstrated patience toward the crowd who often struggled to grasp His truths. He used stories and sought to communicate complex truths with clarity and simplicity.

To His close followers, Jesus spoke with intention. He delivered deeper truths to them and had higher expectations for them. He corrected them when they were wrong (remember when He told Peter, “Get behind me, Satan”) and was quick to re-direct them when their priorities were misplaced (“The first shall be last and the last shall be first.”). He didn’t shield them from difficult or disappointing truths, but He guaranteed them He would always be with them.

To the religious leaders, Jesus spoke words of confrontation. They were Israel’s blind guides. They had misused their power, choosing to promote themselves and their own agenda rather than leading the people closer to God. Jesus condemned their hypocrisy, called out their lies and challenged their shallow faith. To whom much responsibility is given, much accountability is required. Jesus held them accountable for misusing their responsibility.

On any given Sunday, I am aware that these three groups of people are sitting in the congregation to whom I am speaking. Those who are seeking need to hear and experience compassion. Those who are following need a message of intention. Those who are self-righteous need to be confronted.

My goal is to always preach a sermon that accurately unpacks God’s Word and points to Jesus. I desire to accomplish this goal by using words that are hopeful and helpful. For the next couple weeks, I am going to make an effort to include compassion, intention and confrontation in every sermon.